i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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