dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
