I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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