Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
