I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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