Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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