you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
