I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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