I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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