I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
