Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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