I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
