Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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