Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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