I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
