Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
