Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
