remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
