remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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