areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
