she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
