somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
