your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
