Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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