These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want a musical about memes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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