So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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