its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
