Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
