I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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