NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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