I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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