I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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