One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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