I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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