ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
