Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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