The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
