i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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