He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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