I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
