im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
