Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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