i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
