I can text with my tongue
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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