i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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