I want to walk on stilts...naked
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
