she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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