be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
