Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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