nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
